Reality

It's rare, I had to see something fictitious into reality. It's not as easy as it seemed, or maybe only if I am scared. So far my subconscious refused to think, but now there is another idea in my head, as will, when, where, who. Thousands of questions that need to be answered but I'm going to do because the fear is bigger than all because I refuse, because you do not think so. Among so many people around the world, yo. And although I do not want to move and long enough to accept, I am not yet ready to think about, much less to live. Although the attempt and I am not used to disguise this, try to continue as if nothing happens when I'm being different and that soon I will go through one of the things that I have more fear, it's sad. Like so many things in life do not understand why, you have a solution that many others do not, but still do not understand or rather I do not understand. I do not want it. Thinking, just imagine the time, there, in this situation leads me tears, no tears surface, but leaving the inside, feel the sadness in every tear, feels fear. It is a big let choking, unable to speak, do not find people to do it, I feel tired the other with little to say. I try to take it with humor or rather that with some grace, if not already be sunk, but this is only the mask. My pillow at night, my notebooks and some corners on the day are those who know my real face, hear and even if it seems stupid to me much more than help people. As always, the role, my best relief. No person, not the meeting or may not be seen. So again I write to unleash feel this knot in the throat, so I feel a little better and download fear. I feel very scared, I am a very timid person and I do not mind saying, is not something that I am ashamed, but it is something that gives me more scared. I had to do something fictitious to enter for a moment the reality and see my situation, which I think I will continue not until that horrible moment that can no longer avoid it but, when you have everything in front and aware that is no longer fiction, it is my life going on and will always remain. I hope to realize my reality at that time, not before, would be even more sad, more painful and cause more fear in me, much more than I have now ...

Jessi.